Our recent escape to Oregon's Pacific coast marked a milestone in our twenty-year journey as parents of children with special needs and complex medical conditions. For eight blissful days, my husband and I basked in the freedom of uninterrupted time together, devoid of medical appointments or parental responsibilities. In the weeks leading up to our trip, we obsessed over weather forecasts, hoping for a break in the rain that seemed incessant. Coming from Michigan, we were unprepared for Oregon's unpredictable showers. Would it be a light drizzle, a smattering of rain or a torrential downpour? We had no idea. Spoiler alert: it was definitely more than a drizzle. When planning our itinerary, my husband posed a crucial question: "What do you want to see or experience in Oregon?" Without hesitation, I declared, "I want to see the beach. I just want to walk on the beach and experience the Pacific Ocean." "Even if it's pouring rain?" he inquired. "Even if it's pouring rain," I affirmed. Our first stop was Seaside, Oregon, the final destination of Lewis and Clark's expedition. The end of the trail! And from there, we ventured to Long Beach in Washington, the longest beach in the world. Despite the rain and winds, we were determined to soak in the experience. And though we were the only ones braving the weather, it felt exhilarating. And we definitely got wet! We were on an adventure and we were not going to miss the opportunity to walk on the world's longest beach. If you look closely you can see the rain spatters on my husband's glasses. What you can't see is the raging wind blowing behind us. Here is another picture, same day, Long Beach, during a light drizzle. If you ever find yourself in Oregon during spring, remember this: pack layers and, most importantly, a raincoat! Trust me, you'll need it to stay warm and dry, especially by the water. PACK A RAINCOAT!! The following days were spent exploring the breathtaking beaches of Manzanita, Rockaway, and Cannon Beach. We indulged in delicious food and embarked on hikes, encountering fellow travelers along the way. One special hike was to the Rockaway Big Tree, a huge cedar tree at the end of a 1.2 mile boardwalk hike. The cedar is estimated to be between 800 and 1,200 years old. Upon returning home to Michigan, we were greeted by rain showers and a balmy seventy-two degrees. Ordinarily, I might have stayed indoors, avoiding the unpredictable weather. But thanks to our Oregon adventure, I embraced the outdoors with newfound appreciation. Reflecting on our trip, helped to affirm that life is an adventure waiting to be enjoyed. It's easy to remain within the confines of our comfort zone, but for me, true fulfillment lies in venturing beyond and going outside my comfort zone. Our journey along Oregon's rugged coastline taught us the value of embracing life's storms with courage and resilience. We had no control over the climate – we could only master the art of dressing appropriately for the weather. And much like the storms of life, I found myself wondering - how often do I stop from venturing forth into an adventure, because I want to stay warm and safe and dry? So, I leave you with this question: What adventure beckons you to step outside your comfort zone? Is there an adventure waiting beyond the comfort of your home? I would love to hear from you. Here are some ways to connect with me: Instagram @Julie.Cadman1 Facebook https://www.facebook.com/AuthorJulieCadman And you can sign up for my newsletter to receive information and events and upcoming contests – on my author’s page at https://www.juliecadman.com/ Also- if you're looking for Mother's Day gifts for your loved ones that enjoy reading - "UnMasked" as well as the "UnMasked Companion Journal" are both available on-line or at select Indie bookstores. "UnMasked" is available on Amazon at: https://a.co/d/fCkRf8z or you can link direct to Amazon from my homepage and can also order on Barnes & Noble and Walmart.
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I love this quote from Norman Vincent Peele - "Change Your Thoughts and You Can Change Your World." It sounds simple enough - and yet, so many struggle with negative thoughts or anxiety and have a hard time changing their thoughts. As a parent, when I suggest to our kids the need to "change their paradigm or thought process" it doesn't always go well....but I keep trying. l keep encouraging my kids to change their thoughts from "I have to do _________." to the opposite, "I get to do ____________." Personally, my biggest thought changer has been to remind myself, "I don't have to get everything done in one month. There are twelve months in a year and there's plenty of time for me to get everything completed." Life happens, family, emergencies, health issues, work and unexpected STUFF can go wrong; so letting go of some perfectionist tendencies helps me to change my thoughts that everything has to be done RIGHT NOW. What are you doing to change your thoughts and your world as we enter into 2024?? Here are some ways to connect with me: Instagram @Julie.Cadman1 Facebook https://www.facebook.com/AuthorJulieCadman And you can sign up for my newsletter to receive information and events and upcoming contests – on my author’s page at https://www.juliecadman.com/ Also- if you're looking for Valentine gifts for your loved ones that enjoy reading - UnMasked as well as the UnMasked Companion Journal are both available on-line or at select Indie bookstores. "UnMasked" is available on Amazon at: https://a.co/d/fCkRf8z or you can link direct to Amazon from my homepage and can also order on Barnes & Noble and Walmart. Secondly – Before I began the challenge, I told myself there would be days where I was too busy to write. On days when inspiration hit and the words were flowing, I would write extra and build up a word bank. The first two days of NaNoWriMo I surpassed my goal by almost 1,500 words. A few days later, I had three days where I couldn’t write and was then staring down the barrel of being behind. So, I refigured my words per day and got to work.
Thirdly – I decided that I would write in sprints, take breaks, and make sure I was mixing things up in terms of HOW I was putting the words forth. When I'm writing and completely oblivious to the outside world, I tend to stay glued to my seat. I remember being on a tight deadline to finish "UnMasked", and after an intensive week of writing in excess of eight hours per day, I stood up and heard a loud crack. I'd damaged my IT band and had to endure some painful days as well as complete necessary physical therapy. This time, I'm making sure I take breaks and I’m having fun as I practice multiple ways to get the words out. Here are the three ways I’m getting the words out of my brain and onto paper: First, I still sit at my computer and pound away on my keyboard as fast as my fingers will type – making sure I get up at least every few hours to drink water, walk and stretch for a few minutes. Secondly, I utilize my standing desk to ensure I’m not getting stiff. Thirdly, I plug my headset into my cell phone and go walking as I talk through various scenes in the book. I’ve definitely found I talk much faster than I type. My current goal is to get through as many chapters in book two as possible, before the end of November. Since I’m currently at roughly 77% of the final number I’m confident that I will surpass my goal of 50,000 words. Immersing myself in the story of Granda Patti and her daughter Jen and being able to visit the Clarke family has been enjoyable. As I began to write, the characters seemed to take great delight in veering off and away from my initial outline. One character in particular showed unusual spunk and snark in terms of adding subtle changes to the first few chapters. Once the heavy-duty editing begins I'll discover what changes will make book two, book three or end up deleted. It's been a blast as I've gotten my creative juices flowing. I’m motivated and so glad that I made the decision to do NaNoWriMo and focus on the goal of 50,000 words this November. If you’ve always wanted to write and feel like a book sounds too daunting, just think; it’s roughly 1,700 words a day to successfully reach the 50,000 word goal within a month’s time. Trust me, if you get your phone out and start talking into your phone, you can speak faster than 1, 700 words in the next hour. By outlining your book and having an idea of what your various chapters will look like you are setting yourself up for success and placing yourself in a position where the words will flow more easily. And for those pansters – people who don’t like to outline – there’s still space to allow the characters to speak to you and go “off topic.” The hardest part is sitting down and writing the initial sloppy drivel that sometimes bursts forth. There’s plenty of time to edit later. Your focus will be on vomiting out your words, the good the bad and the ugly. Getting your thoughts and ideas out of your brain and onto the written screen or paper is your initial most important objective. You’ve got this. You can do it. I believe in you. Now it’s time to believe in yourself. My little bit of motivation today is this – “if you’ve always wanted to write and feel like you don’t have the time, set a goal. Even if you only write 200 or 500 words a day for a month. Do it, its 200 or 500 more words than you had yesterday." Please Write me and let me know how you’re progressing! Here are some ways to connect with me: Instagram @Julie.Cadman1 Facebook https://www.facebook.com/AuthorJulieCadman And you can sign up for my newsletter to receive information and events and upcoming contests – on my author’s page at https://www.juliecadman.com/ Also- if you're looking for holiday gifts for your loved ones that like to read - UnMasked as well as the UnMasked Companion Journal are both available in time for holiday gift giving. "UnMasked" is available on Amazon at: https://a.co/d/fCkRf8z or you can link direct to Amazon from my homepage and can also order on Barnes & Noble. Earlier today, one of our key volunteers who makes things beautiful called to say they couldn't come on Friday to put our gift baskets together for an upcoming event. My talents don't run toward putting together beautiful gift baskets and the two people that normally help were both indisposed. One is out of the state and the other just got out of the hospital. I nearly cried. In fact, if I’m completely honest the tears kind of pricked the back of my eyes as I struggled to breathe deeply and be present in the moment. The old me would’ve said – “Ok, that will be fine” and I’d have gone on to figure out how to manage. But I’ve learned to be authentic and to talk about what is really going on. Once I shared the situation, that I REALLY needed the other person’s help, everything changed. They didn't realize the depth of my need and went into super helper mode, talking about what color ribbons they would bring and saying they would definitely come to help. And even though the disaster was averted it took a few minutes for my fight or flight response to relax and go away. For several minutes afterward my chest was tight and I felt like I’d been hit in the solar plexus. I used to just keep going. If something needed to be done for my family or others, I shouldered more responsibility put my head down and kept going. And it’s taken a while for me to allow others to help me. Seriously read that sentence again….Allow others to help me – only this time put your name in the sentence. Allow others to help _______. I haven’t always been comfortable in saying, NO, or not right now. Because I’m successful with juggling a lot of different items, I’ve often been asked to take on more. And I’ve learned to say, “Let me check my calendar and get back to you.” I’ve also learned to block hours or days to make sure I don’t over-schedule each week. As a special needs mom, for many years it was normal for me to have an average of four or five doctor’s appointments each week with my children. When possible, I tried to schedule ALL of the appointments on two or three days so I would have time for other items on my to do list and for self-care. The recent experience impacted me strongly enough, that I knew it was likely a subject that would help others….so I’ll end with the question, when you’re feeling stressed and overwhelmed, do you talk about how you’re feeling or share with those that are close to you or part of your support system? I highly recommend that as you work through how you handle stress, you think about ways to unpack your thoughts so you’re able to take care of yourself and keep moving forward. I'd love to hear your thoughts on how you take care of yourself and how you've been able to ask for help. Several Warrior Moms friends have shared that it’s extremely difficult to ask for help, as they’re used to being the helpers. So my challenge to you for the next week and month is this - Step outside your comfort zone and pick one thing to ask for help. People in general like to help and they like to be asked. So message for this month is don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it. I'd love to stay in touch with you. Here are some ways to connect with me: Instagram @Julie.Cadman1 Facebook https://www.facebook.com/AuthorJulieCadman And you can sign up for my newsletter to receive information and events and upcoming contests – on my author’s page at https://www.juliecadman.com/ Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you. Anne Lamont I can't tell you the number of times I've had technical difficulties with my computer or some equipment and my techno-savvy husband has asked, "Did you unplug it, did you reboot it, just turn it off and restart it." Anne Lamont's quote about unplugging things, including yourself, made me think of my current situation. And how sometimes events happen that are completely outside of our span of control and we are forced to unplug and take some needed downtime. A few weeks ago, I went to see a movie with my husband and two of our young adult children. The movie was just about to begin, so I decided to make a quick trip to the restroom. I would be back in plenty of time, and hopefully not miss any of the movie. Unfortunately, my plan did not work very well. I tripped and found myself sprawled on the floor with a scrapped-up throbbing knee. Seriously! I hugged the wall all the way to the bathroom. Limping back to the movie, I was spotted by one of the employees. She graciously offered to bring a bag of ice to my seat in the movie theater. My family was too engrossed to notice my pronounced limp as I inched to my seat in the theater. But they sure noticed when an employee appeared with ice. My daughter immediately turned to me and said, “What did you do?” I tried to whisper, “Don't worry about it.” But of course, she wouldn't let it go… I urgently replied, “I tripped, now be quiet and watch the movie.” My knee was throbbing and it was difficult to focus on anything other than the pain, so I don’t remember much from the movie. I kept having the recurring thought, “ I don't have time for this.” All I needed was a knee injury. I had too many things I needed to get completed that weekend and in the coming week. The next morning my husband drove me to a cranial sacral therapy appointment. I left my appointment with instructions to lay low and take it easy. I was to stay off my knee, keep from walking, and in general relax. Yeah, tell that to a triple-type A personality with a list a mile long. It's actually kind of funny, do you know the saying," Physician, heal thyself?" I absolutely understand the importance of taking the time to rest, relax and regenerate. It's just bloody hard for me to sit still. For me sitting still is hard work. Yet I'm perfectly capable of encouraging others to take that necessary time to rest and relax and rejuvenate so they can be their best person going forward. So do I have anything to say that's pithy and important today? Yup - it's ok to chill, relax, unplug and give yourself permission to slow down. And because I’ve given myself permission to slow down and relax I was able to both nap and read a good book! And I’ve also had more time to sit and relax and get in touch with a few friends for an overdue chat. As I endured my forced relaxation, I realized there were more things I could be delegating or asking for help on. As painful as it is to admit, my injury did teach me a few things! Mainly, it reinforced that it’s important to rest and take time for yourself, before your body rebels and MAKES you take the time. In this case, my knee injury forced me to significantly slow down. I'd love to hear from you. When was a time that you slowed down and did something force you to slow down? I hope this blog encourages you to both practice and incorporate more types of self-care. One of my BIG self-care items this year was to write and publish my novel. "UnMasked" was released on June 13, 2023 and is available for order on Amazon at: https://a.co/d/fCkRf8z as well as Barnes & Noble and Walmart and available in some Indie bookstores. "UnMasked" features three strong women, Patti, Jen and Kylie; the grandmother, daughter and granddaughter. These three generations face a challenge that will forever change their family legacy. Here are some ways to connect with me: Instagram @Julie.Cadman1 Facebook https://www.facebook.com/AuthorJulieCadman And you can sign up for my newsletter to receive information and events and upcoming contests – on my author’s page at https://www.juliecadman.com/ Zombies = self-care!! What?? Zombies and self-care go hand and hand for me and some of my family members....WHY?? I know that sounds intriguing or even a little bizarre. But here me out. One of the big areas that keep coming up with Warrior Moms is the need to strengthen their relationships with friends and family as well as the importance of practicing selfcare. We know that relationships are important because being in community, whether with family or friends is an important way for you to feel seen and noticed. My family has discovered a fun way to interact with extended family is to play board games together. And playing the game Zombies!!! is an opportunity to focus on doing something fun and different and has the strong benefit of strengthening family and friend relationships. It's a chance to deepen our sense of community by playing a game. We get to know who will form alliances, who likes to go on their own and if anyone in the family likes to brag about how amazing they are and how they’re going to "win." I’m not one to remember scores or how a game went…I just remember if I won and love to tease my ultra-competitive family members about the time I “creamed them” or “annihilated” them in a particulate game. They get especially upset, because I tend to say I creamed them, even if I beat them by one or two points. We have one family member that recalls nearly every game and score they’ve ever played. I learned how to play Zombies!!! in northern Michigan at our family cabin. My husband, kids and I were on a week-long vacation with my parents, siblings and their children. Zombies!!! is a game where the first survivor to reach the helipad and leave or the first to kill 25 zombies wins. The game of Zombies!!! is constantly evolving. You may be close to winning only to have another player send you back to the center of the game with half your zombies taken away. We have a VERY competitive family. No one likes to lose and we talk a lot of "smack" during the game. Alliances are formed and it's not unusual to hear comments like "Come on, who's your favorite Aunt?" or from my husband, "Hey, that's not fair. Your Aunt won the last game, you need to team up with me so we beat her." One specific game that has gone down in family history had my niece and I working together to make sure that one of us made it to the helicopter pad first. My husband and our nephews were working together to stop us. Since I was the closest, we formed an alliance to make sure one of the “ladies” won. It worked, much to the chagrin of my husband and her brothers. And even now, several years later, I still smile when I think of the fun we had during that particular game. It's not too late to play some fun family board games! And if you haven’t played the game Zombies!!! it’s really fun. It's a chance to create new memories. A friend recently mentioned her love of Zombie movies - and to my surprise she had never played the Zombies!!! game. I gave her a quick explanation and then found myself lost as I reminisced about how much I enjoyed playing Zombies!!! A few days later, I convinced one of my daughters and husband into playing a game. Our family habit of talking "smack" has definitely continued to the next generation as my daughter stated, "I don't care if I win, just as long as I beat mom." And for most of the game, she was wayyy ahead of me and my husband. But I had a secret card that would protect me when I got to the helipad....so once again....mama "creamed" them. LOL! At least until next time. And surprise, my daughter, loved it so much she wanted to play ONE more game, even though it was late and we all had to get up early the next day. Enjoy your last days of summer. I’d love to hear if you have any major competitors in your family and if you have any funny stories of changing alliances. I hope this blog encourages you to both practice and incorporate more types of self-care. One of my BIG self-care items this year was to write and publish my novel. "UnMasked" was released on June 13, 2023 and is available for order on Amazon at: https://a.co/d/fCkRf8z as well as Barnes & Noble and available in some Indie bookstores. "UnMasked" features three strong women, Patti, Jen and Kylie; the grandmother, daughter and granddaughter. Jen - is a Warrior Mom that is sandwiched between exhaustion, work, her family and home responsibilities and the increasing needs of her aging parents. Jen is married to Ben and Ben is the consummate gamer in this story. The Blake/Clarke family play some family games during their extended family summer vacation. Here are some ways to connect with me: Instagram @Julie.Cadman1 Facebook https://www.facebook.com/AuthorJulieCadman And you can sign up for my newsletter to receive information and events and upcoming contests – on my author’s page at https://www.juliecadman.com/ Why do so many people - especially Warrior Moms, wait until they are incredibly overwhelmed and at or approaching burn-out before they ask for help? Asking for help before we reach the point of burn-out is one of the best ways we can practice self-care and help our families. I recently had the opportunity to interview a Warrior Grandma. She's helped raise her two grandsons since they were diagnosed with autism at a young age. She's been intricately involved – and watched her daughter and local friends as they've struggled to manage special needs care. One piece of advice she has for fellow Warrior Moms is to ASK for Help! She emphasized the importance of figuring out a small list of items your friends and family can do to assist you. One idea she suggested is to ask people if they can help with in-home respite. This allows the Warrior Mom to get some needed time to rest and recharge, in her own home, while a trusted friend or family member watches over her child or children. Many Warrior Moms are responsible for their children twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. With in-home respite, the mom is present in case there is an emergency, but they have that necessary down time. This sage Warrior Grandma is confounded by the number of Warrior Moms that struggle with this issue. As I card-carrying member of the "I can do it club", I totally resonate with having a hard time asking others for help. It's easier for me to offer assistance than it is to accept it. I wanted to look further into the reasons why allowing others to take care of us is so difficult for Warrior Moms. I asked a few questions and some of the moms went deeper. A couple choked up and would go silent before their words came rushing out. Some of the comments that resonated with me were the following: "It was hard for me to ask for help until probably middle school, because there was a certain amount of embarrassment over my kids melt-downs and the judgement that I would see in other people's eyes." "By the time my child got to middle-school - I'd met a wonderful group of women and I wasn't alone anymore. And quite frankly I didn’t care what people thought at that point." Several women voiced the fear that if they asked for help, they would be seen as not capable of taking care of their child. Other concerns voiced were - if they asked for assistance it would make their child's diagnosis real and permanent. Some moms seemed to think if they just kept going, putting one foot in front of the other things would get better – and one said, “I didn’t realize it. I guess I had a form of magical thinking, that if I just kept going, things would get better, and meanwhile I was too busy to really think about what we were going through.” Too often we get upset with people and as the Warrior Grandma said, "THEY CAN'T READ YOUR MIND!!" So, when someone says, "Tell me if you need anything." Be ready with a short list of items you could use some assistance with. (for ideas, see the June 12 blog https://www.juliecadman.com/monthly-motivation/part-two-a-friend-that-gets-you). Trust me, I get it when you say - "I have no idea how they can help me." At times life can feel so incredibly overwhelming that we believe we can't take even a second to write down a list of what we're doing. We feel like we just have to keep going forward. If you ask for help and the response is no, or you get crickets, don't let it deter you. The person you asked is either overwhelmed themselves, incapable of offering assistance or news flash, they are NOT one of your people. The person may not be worthy of being inside your inner circle. This can be particularly difficult if it's a close family member that you've asked, only to be told "No." So, for me and other Warrior Moms that need to hear this - "Don't be afraid to ask for help!" I'd love to hear from you. I hope this blog encourages you to practice self-care and to go forward unafraid to Ask for Help! One of my BIG self-care items this year was to write and publish my novel. "UnMasked" was released on June 13, 2023 and is available for order on Amazon at: https://a.co/d/fCkRf8z as well as Barnes & Noble and available in some Indie bookstores. "UnMasked" features a Warrior Mom, Jen - the mom sandwiched between exhaustion, work, her family and home responsibilities and the increasing needs of her aging parents. Here are some ways to connect with me: Instagram @Julie.Cadman1 Facebook https://www.facebook.com/AuthorJulieCadman And you can sign up for my newsletter to receive information and events and upcoming contests – on my author’s page at https://www.juliecadman.com/ We're going to discuss examples of how to show up and be present for your friend. Before we begin, let's talk about some of the differences between families with neuro-typical versus neuro-divergent children. As Angela Tyszka educational advocate shares, "Everyone that has kids is busy. They are busy with school, sports, school activities, family activities, etc., but the difference between taking a child to the ball game or to the doctor is the emotional component of the experience. Yes, we are all busy, but it's different. Taking a child to a ball game or to a therapy session or a medical appointment is an emotional experience for the special needs parent. We watch, we notice, we compare and we wonder if our child will ever catch up with their peers. It's not the same." Special needs parents are often exhausted and overwhelmed and yet they keep going forward until they burn out and they just can't go any more. It's hard for many special needs families to ask for help. So a great way around the dilemma of figuring out how to help or be there for a friend is to think ahead of some ways you can be there for them. Here are some examples: Periodically, call your friend to stay in touch and see how they are doing. Ask them how they are, if they're ok, and then be quiet. Listen for the creaks in their voice, the stunned gasp of breath as they feel heard. Tell your friend, "I'm going to the grocery store, is there anything I can pick up for you? I know it's hard for you to go to the store with your child and I'm going, please let me help you out." When you're in the area, tell your friend, I'm going to be close by, can I pop in and see you? Sometimes it won't be convenient, but your friend will feel loved and cared for, just because you're thinking of them. If you're close by their house, give them a call and say, "Hey, I'm stopping at Starbucks, or (Fill in the blank) what do you like to drink or what would you like to eat?" Another example of how you can show up for your friend, “I’d love to get together with you and I know it’s difficult. How about I bring some take-out to your house and we talk, and sit and watch a movie on Netflix? Give me a couple nights that work with you and let me know what food you’d like me to pick up.” Or another one. “Would you like to go for an early morning or evening walk or exercise?” “I’m making my famous chicken noodle soup this weekend and I’m planning on dropping some off for you and your family. I can come at a certain time or just leave it on the porch – which day/time works best for you?” If your friend's child has a melt-down or refuses to participate while with you - be there for your friend. Don't expect a child having sensory issues to have the ability to immediately pull it together. When possible, ask for ideas in advance, on how to best support your friend when their child becomes dysregulated. If your friend's child is scheduled for a hospital visit, ask if you can bring the parents some food, or can you help with pick up of any additional children? A few years ago I broke my ankle and a friend showed up. She came with the fixings for spaghetti and directions for my teens to make spaghetti, along with some lovely flowers and a book. My friend knew that I was hurting and struggling to take care of myself and my family. She didn’t wait for me to figure out what I needed, despite me telling her I was fine....we were fine....she showed up to help and support. I learned a lot from her and realized, it’s a lot easier to ask for forgiveness then to ask for permission. During the same time-frame, another friend phoned and told me she'd taken the day off work and was available to take me to the doctor and to help get my kids back and forth to their basketball try-out. My friend was a Michigan transplant from another state and this sweet act of kindness cemented our friendship. Like many people, I have a hard time asking for help. I’m always the person that shows up with a casserole, a card or gives a donation – but when I need something, I try to plan and take care of it all. My big message to myself and other Warrior Moms is one of the best ways to practice self-care is to be open and ask for help when you need it. There are people who will help you if you ask. They can't read our mind and when we continually say we are fine, we've got it, they believe us and they leave us alone. It's ok to ask for help! Being a good friend, means being there in both the good and the challenging times. Remember, think of how you can help and show up for your friend - empty platitudes to "let me know what you need," will fall on deaf ears and do little to propel your friendship forward. Instead ask the question, "What do you need?" and be ready to suggest one or two things you can do to help. I'd love to hear from you. Please let me know if you have additional ideas on how to show up for a friend. One of my BIG self-care items this year was to publish my book, something that has been a buck-list item since I was a little girl. And It's happening! My novel, "UnMasked" will be released on June 13, 2023 and is now available for order on Amazon at: https://a.co/d/fCkRf8z Here are the ways to connect with me: Instagram @Julie.Cadman1 Facebook https://www.facebook.com/AuthorJulieCadman And you can sign up for my newsletter to receive information and events and upcoming contests – on my author’s page at https://www.juliecadman.com/ I'm convinced that one of the biggest forms of self-care is having friends in our lives who "get" us. And unfortunately, this is one of the top issues that fellow Warrior Moms discuss - the need to have friends in their lives that "get" them and their experience. I reached out to some Warrior Moms and asked them, "What do you need from your friends to help you as you're dealing with life as a special needs parent?" Here are the top responses they gave me:
1) One phrase loudly proclaimed by multiple Warrior moms was, NO JUDGEMENT. Please be a supportive listener and open to sharing stories. And if you don’t have children with special needs or complex medical conditions, please try to understand the challenges of parenting a child with special needs. We love our children and what may look like helicopter parenting is often necessary. Many times our child is chronologically older than their developmental age. For some families, the baby years, changing diapers, being on as a constant care giver will NEVER end. Let that sink in….Do you remember, when you were utterly exhausted and you couldn’t wait for the day your child was potty trained? Some parents will NEVER know this experience. A little empathy for your friend and their reality will go a long way in your relationship. 2) I’m looking for friends that have similar values. I want to be friends with people who put their kids first and are willing to research and advocate and be fully present with their children. I’m giving my all to help my child and I want to be friends with like-minded people. They say iron sharpens iron, and I definitely want to be friends with people I can bounce ideas off. Many Warrior Moms remember the exact second they received a diagnosis – that moment when life changed. And for many of us Warrior Moms, because life is not exactly what we planned for, we’ve adapted, we’ve changed and we’ve grown. We want people who are able to grow and walk alongside us. 3) I’m looking for authentic, REAL people. I’m not about being fake. When you’re in the trenches, things can be tough and emotions can be pretty raw. People who are into “things” aren’t people that I want to be around or have time for. People who think the world is over because their child got a B+? Seriously?!! These aren’t my people. My kind of people can hang and are chill, especially during moments when my child is having an epic melt-down. Instead of judging and turning their nose up, my kind of friend shows up and either politely ignores the outburst or asks, “Is there anything I can do to help?” My kind of friend celebrates when my fourteen-year-old learns how to tie their shoes, or says “I Love You” for the first time. 4) Please do a little research and educate yourself regarding my child and their special needs. Don't be afraid to ask me questions and know that if I don't want to answer, I will let you know. Meanwhile, whether I'm new or have been on this road for a while, know that I'm constantly researching and finding out as much information as I can for my child. Trust me when I tell you I'm an expert when it comes to my kid. I welcome your input, but PLEASE, don't try to tell me what I should or should not do for my child. Life can be exhausting and while I may welcome your suggestions, please remember I'm still their parent and I'm constantly researching. Or as another mom stated, "Just because you've read ONE article about autism, does not mean you are an expert on MY child." Trust me, it’s not that easy. 5) I need my friends to know that I still care about you and I miss you. Several moms extrapolated further to say, "I'm tired and exhausted and not always able to be as available as I'd like. I need people in my life to understand that my child and their needs come first. "I would love to go out to dinner or to a movie, but unfortunately special needs or medical conditions happen and sometimes my plans have to change." I want my friends to keep inviting me and know that if I can make it, I will be there. And a constant refrain was "Please don't give up on me, know that I love and value our friendship. Please be flexible and understand that my child's health and ability to function around multiple people is constantly in flux.” 6) Ask questions if you don’t understand my child or therapies we are completing. There's a really good chance that my child has allergies or food sensitivities. Please accept this and ask questions if you don't understand. Don't assume I'm being "one of those moms" - some kids have anaphylactic reactions to specific foods, others have allergic reactions that can lead to behavioral issues or not feeling well. 7) I’m not a saint. Another constant refrain from parents is, “I’m not a saint. I’m a mom or I’m a dad that loves my child and I’m doing everything I possibly can to give my child their best life possible.” Many parents, mentioned their desire to have their family and friends understand the challenges of parenting children with special needs. Please understand, we love our child, and parenting a child with special needs is not easy or for the faint of heart. We love our child, and we will do everything possible to help them. So please, don’t say, “I could never do what you’re doing.” Insert eye roll. If your child is sick and needs you, trust me, you are able and will do whatever you need to help your child. 8) Sometimes I just need someone to listen to me. Parenting a child with special needs can be extremely difficult and frustrating. There are times a parent JUST needs someone to listen, someone they can safely vent to. And trust me, as soon as we're past this moment I will be hard at it doing research and trying to figure out the next, best therapy or treatment for my child. Finally, friend, remind yourself, this is NOT about you. This is about your friend that is often struggling as a special needs parent. It’s perfectly fine to go to your friend, and ask how you can help. Only here is my advice, don’t say, “Just let me know what you need.” Special needs parenting can be so overwhelming that you actually don’t know what you need. And many special needs parents are so used to doing EVERYTHING themselves that they don't think to ask for help. Instead of an empty promise, think of specific things you can do for your friend. If you're a special needs parent, please think of things you need. The next time someone asks if you need help, answer yes and tell them how they can help you. Part-two of "Having a Friend that Gets You" will review some ways you can show up and be present for your friend. I would love to hear your thoughts on the eight top things that special needs parents want their friends and potential friends to know. Please let me know if you have some additional items that you believe should be included in the list. One last topic that came up is having a church community that supports and makes it possible for families to attend church and also helps with respite. One Warrior Mom shared about the wonderful church community her family has experienced since her grandchildren (diagnosed with ASD) were small. If you've been successful in finding a church community that is supportive and encouraging - please give them a shout-out! Stay tuned for Part- Two - Having a Friend that Gets You." for practical ideas on how you can support your friend that has a child with special needs or complex medical conditions. One of my BIG self-care items this year was to publish my book, something that has been a buck-list item since I was a little girl. And It's happening! My novel, "UnMasked" will be released on June 13, 2023 and is available for pre-order on Amazon at: https://a.co/d/fCkRf8z Here are the ways to connect with me: Instagram @Julie.Cadman1 Facebook https://www.facebook.com/AuthorJulieCadman And you can sign up for my newsletter to receive information and events and upcoming contests – on my author’s page at https://www.juliecadman.com/ Self-care is a buzzword that has been gaining a lot of traction. Our fast-paced and increasingly demanding world often takes a toll on our physical and mental health if we don’t take time for our personal self-care. One of the most important – and often overlooked – aspects of self-care is learning to say no. We often feel like we have to say yes to everything and everyone, even when we don’t want to. This can lead to feeling overwhelmed, stressed, and burnt out. The power of saying no is something we often overlook or don’t fully understand. Friends, family and co-workers often pressure us to say yes to their requests. We find ourselves acquiescing, when we really want to say no. This can be because of societal expectations, the need to please others, or the fear of missing out on potential opportunities. It’s easy to feel guilty and say yes, because we feel like saying no is wrong. Saying no can be a liberating and empowering experience. It gives you the freedom to choose your own path and tailor it to your goals and interests. In addition, it can give you more time to focus on what brings you joy. If you say no to an experience due to prior commitments or because it doesn’t mesh with your values, you are expressing a valid reason. Saying no, also shows that you are comfortable with setting boundaries, which is part of taking care of yourself. The ability to say no gives you the opportunity to say yes to the things that matter. It allows you to spend time with the people and things you love, and gives you the chance to nurture and nourish your soul. Here are three simple steps that can change your life:
I'd love to hear from you. Please let me know the one thing you're saying no to this month and the new yes - and I'm curious, did saying No open the door to saying Yes to something you love or enhances your life? One of my BIG self-care items this year was to publish my book, something that has been a buck-list item since I was a little girl. And It's happening! My novel, "UnMasked" will be released on June 13, 2023 and is now available for pre-order on Amazon at: https://a.co/d/fCkRf8z Here are the ways to connect with me: Instagram @Julie.Cadman1 Facebook https://www.facebook.com/AuthorJulieCadman And you can sign up for my newsletter to receive information and events and upcoming contests – on my author’s page at https://www.juliecadman.com/ |
Monthly Motivation
Join us here for your monthly dose of motivation. I will post important topics related to self-care. This is the place to join the conversation and share what you're doing for you. We will discuss new and creative ideas to help you on your self-care journey. |